As Plod wandered into the new house with Gladys in tow, he noted that there was a cloven hoof showing from under the table. Lifting the table cloth he saw that the cat may have bitten off more than it could chew, so without a second though for his personal safety, thinking to himself "she's followed me here, how do I explain this?", he grabbed the hoof and dragged the owner of same out into the light.
It turned out to be none less than what he had always imagined it would be. "Darling," he gasped, " I thought you had eaten enough at the restaurant, three lamb bhunas", and then noticed the menu was written in Cyrillic, indicating that his earlier assumption had been correct, this was no place to start with a dainty little entree.
So without pausing to rinse his mouth, he immediately put the cloven-hoofed creature on its feet, and exclaimed "Godfrey, bring me the fish platter and mother's old stockings, I need to explain the birds and the bees to Jeremy", who was extracting himself from beneath the giant creature's wingspan where, upon seizing a spray can of monster deoderant Gladys sprayed Plod, shrieking "I have urgent business to the South, stand aside Plod, this game is a bogey", and with that she mounted the broom and disappeared into the overcast yonder. Plod, covered in sticky deodorant and wondering if brooms could be flown IMC, was left to deal with Detective chief inspector Charles Barlow who flourished an international restraining order in the name of Winnie the Pooh for the well documented embarrassing incident on the Orient Express.
Barlow had always thought that the bear had been set up as a patsy, as far as he was concerned it was the donkey that should have taken the fall. However, the bear would never board a train without first checking that piglet was tooled up and Owl covered the dame. However, on that particular evening, on that particular train, the dame was not convinced, having travelled to Liepzig with Easyjet in order to have a quiet meeting with Gladys and the ho, to decide whether Bernadette Bernadotte of Bern should be invited to the forthcoming party because all the Hobbits would be there to celebrate Bilbo's birthday and Bernadette was the only Orc to escape from the fires of Mount Doom to join the fellowship. Besides, it was Bernadette's turn to perform the ritual spring dance, a spectacle you really didn't want to observe.
Meanwhile, back at Braintree Plod was inserting his 16 digit pin code in the infernal sky box, he wasn't much in the mood for eating anymore, and since the cat had ran off with the cloven footed creature to be buried in the garden, he though he would retire to the lounge with his old friend Jack Daniels to watch Rocky V. At that precise moment, or somewhere thereabouts, the incident with Marion came back to haunt him so he had to...
(To be continued)
